Greg’s Blog

Greg's blog is a collection of the nationally syndicated humor columns he writes weekly for Tribune Content Services plus anything else he finds funny during a particular week. Greg is a 2014 recipient of the National Society of Newspaper Columnist's award for outstanding humor writing. His columns regularly appear in the Huffington Post as well as diverse publications ranging from the Calcutta India Telegraph to American Way Magazine

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My Car is an Emotional Wreck

My Car is an Emotional Wreck

Do cars have feelings? This question haunts me whenever I am in the market for a new automobile. My BMW X5 is currently one month from its lease expiration. I know it, my bank knows it, and my BMW sales rep certainly knows it as evidenced by his near daily texts and phone messages reminding me that a 2017 Hybrid X5 would sure look “sa-weet” in my garage. I can only hope my car doesn’t know...

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A Tennis Fan’s Futile Attempt to Stay Uninformed

A Tennis Fan’s Futile Attempt to Stay Uninformed

A word to those who have grown weary of the 24-hour news cycle, the blowhard TV pundits and the never-ending stream of political debate and current event analysis: Stay away from McDonald’s. I discovered this as I attempted to, for three measly hours, free myself of any BREAKING NEWS, SPECIAL REPORTS,  follow-ups to stories only WE have been following, and anything containing EXCLUSIVE...

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Everybody is Crazy. It’s Not Just You!

Everybody is Crazy.  It’s Not Just You!

The reply hit my inbox a full three days after I had emailed a contract requiring a simple electronic signature, a legally binding image created after the world got tired of searching for pens. The contract was attached along with a message: “Sorry it’s taken me so long to get to this. It’s just been CRAZY around here.” Yes, crazy was typed in all caps. Later that day, as I waited in a...

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Donald Trump: Vegetable in Chief

Donald Trump: Vegetable in Chief

  In my mind, Donald Trump is a vegetable. And I mean that in the most glowing of terms. With January 20 looming ever closer, I am resigned that Trump will indeed take the presidential oath of office, barring some revelation such as concrete proof that foreign powers meddled in the election.  Wait, never mind. Now that their gloating phase is complete, many Trump supporters are working to...

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Merry Christmas Honey. Here’s Your Roomba!

Merry Christmas Honey. Here’s Your Roomba!

My wife and I sat in our respective chairs, enduring a barrage of holiday commercials when Santa suddenly appeared on the TV, gushing over some state-of-the-art vacuum that, according to him, was the perfect Christmas gift. “We need a new vacuum,” my wife said. “Great,” I responded. “I need a few more gift ideas for you.” “You’re not getting me that for Christmas,” she...

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Doze Through the Holidays with the Hallmark Channel

Doze Through the Holidays with the Hallmark Channel

A new Christmas tradition in the Schwem household unexpectedly surfaced Thanksgiving night when my wife was channel hopping and stumbled upon the Hallmark Channel. Yes, we knew the greeting card company owned a television network and we help pay for its existence via our monthly cable bill. However, we had no idea Hallmark executives thought it would be a fine idea to bombard their viewing...

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