Growing up, swimming was never my strong sport. Nonetheless, thanks to President Trump I demand World Aquatics, the swimming federation recognized by the International Olympics Committee, reward me for my exploits in the water. Or better yet, honor me for…
They sat before me on Thanksgiving morning in Mt. Prospect, IL; a group of all female naval cadets just six days away from completing basic training and awaiting whatever adventure the Navy has planned for them. They had made it…
When it comes to rating Chicago deep dish pizza, customers invariably point to the ingredients. Cheese gooey-ness, sauce thickness, crust firmness and quantity of toppings are frequently mentioned in online reviews or in conversations with visitors and fellow Chicagoans alike.…
I recently read there are approximately 2.3 billion Apple devices active worldwide — a figure that includes the five currently charging in various rooms of my home. But Apple, consider yourself warned: If you want that figure to fall to…
Twenty years ago, in my Little League coaching days, there was always that one kid on every sports team who, according to coaches, parents and random spectators, was destined for stardom. While other players looked for worms in the infield…
I sat on my living room floor, surrounded by an assortment of cables, screws, dowels and pressed wood shelves that would eventually form the printer stand I ordered online. I had one profanity-free thought. “Time to move to Georgia.” Recently…
It has always been my fantasy to enter a bar and announce that I will buy a drink for every patron. Most likely, this will only take place if I match all six Powerball numbers. However, after watching last weekend’s…
The thought immediately crossed my mind as I took my seat in the left field stands of Atlanta’s Truist Park, an area dubbed “Home Run Porch.” “I’d better be ready to catch a ball.” I was in the Peach State…
F. O’Mahony’s, a corner tavern nestled less than two blocks from my Chicago condominium, has served me well over the years. I’ve met old friends and encountered new ones during solo visits. Rarely have I failed to strike up conversations…
Recently I underwent an MRI after my podiatrist, aka my “feet doctor,” suspected an Achilles tear in my right foot. The procedure confirmed his suspicions; I did indeed have a “tiny low-grade partial-thickness interstitial tear at the calcaneal attachment with…
Awakening one morning and realizing Chicago would be sweltering through another day of triple digit heat indexes, I blurted my thoughts out loud. “This humidity is killing me!” Luckily there wasn’t a more grammatically versed individual around to suggest I…
Over my 30 year career in comedy, I’ve been asked to perform at dozens of fundraisers where the sole purpose is to raise not just money, but also awareness. I’ve helped spread the word about the dangers of drunk driving,…
By now anybody with a social media presence, even MySpace, is familiar with Andy Byron. During a Coldplay concert in Massachusetts, the former CEO of New York-based tech firm Astronomer was caught on a “kiss-cam” canoodling with a woman who…
I live in a Chicago neighborhood teeming with residents born between 1997 and 2012. That’s a very formal way to say I’m surrounded by the Gen Z set. They are easy to spot — bounding along the sidewalks with yoga mats…
This column originally appeared as part of the Chicago Tribune syndicate Humor Hotel series The fish measured 35.7 inches from the snout to the tip of its tail. We caught it in the Chippewa Flowage, 15 miles east of Hayward,…